So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
