just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
