i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
