he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I think I won the penis lottery.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I want her autograph on my taint
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
