i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
