So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Randomize
