I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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