david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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