Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Michael Bay diarrhea
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
