She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
