Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
