the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize