I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
