BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
foreskin is a definite game changer
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
