Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
