WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Randomize
