She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
