I love black thongs
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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