pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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