Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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