kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
