I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
