By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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