will power is for people who don't want to get laid
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
