I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
