With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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