Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
