Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Sorry my hands just texted you
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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