My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
