My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
