I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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