my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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