i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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