i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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