shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
