Farmville is her only friend.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
