Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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