i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
