at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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