May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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