tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
