I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
