i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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