Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
