this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
