Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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