Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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