No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize