I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
