If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
