this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
