Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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