That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
she peed on how many people?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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