There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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