around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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