too bad you live with your parents still
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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