Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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