I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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