apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize