Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
