i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
