is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
