OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
