Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
