about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
