so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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