Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
