My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
