I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
