On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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