I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
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