haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
