: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
