I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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