She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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