38 yer olds are good kisserssss
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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