I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
