i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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