omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
