If you die in college, do you die in real life?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
