yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
